Gum Balls
There were always rivulets of blood zigzagging down his coffee stained teeth. My manager was a fat spiteful fuck with some serious periodontal issues. I had nightmares that a gun was put to my head and I was forced to lick the blood off his scummy-ass teeth. They were so real that I’d wake up in cold sweats and run to the bathroom to drink Listerine. It was getting so bad that I had dreams of lapping at them, without the gun put to my head. It finally reached a point where anything red reminded me of his bloody teeth. The color red, the word red, even the letter 'R' could plant in my mind the image of using my tongue like a squeegee across his teeth. My wife had to run around the house and remove all things red from the walls, empty the refrigerator of red fruit, red drinks, and red vegetables. I avoided going out to certain places with too much red. Shopping at Target was now completely out of the question and that really sucked because I happened to like that store. It’s very hard to get through a day without red. I came home after work one day and my wife was sitting there all anxious-eyed, drumming her fingertips on the kitchen table, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
“Were they bleeding again?”
“Yup.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Nope.”
“Well, scaredy cat, looks like it’s time for the wife to step in because her numb-nuts husband can't stomach a little boss blood.”
Like Sumo wrestlers, relief and shame grappled within me, and once again shame got tossed from the ring. The next day my wife stormed into my manager’s large corner cubicle. She slapped on his desk a colorful graphic brochure titled: Periodontal Surgery: What Can I Expect? I peaked over the divider and listened to their conversation: “I’m sorry but my husband was too scared to say anything, and I just got tired of his constant bitching. ”His tongue moved from side to side over his teeth.
“Well thanks for having the.... uh....”
“Balls?” “Balls is what you’re trying to say?”
“I was going to say nuts, but balls will do,” he laughed.
“Man, now I know what that strange taste is.” There was a long pause, then he stood up.
“Wow", he declared. "Women are the new men.”
He put out his hand but she didn’t notice because she was reading the brochure.
“You know,” she said. “It says here that your gum tissue should fit snugly around each tooth,
much as a turtleneck sweater fits around your neck.”
“That’s interesting,” he said. “But what does it say about pain?”
~ John Walter