It's Your Thoughts, Stupid

I lost my mind the other day.
I looked all over for the damn thing.
Then I found it shivering in a corner somewhere.
I said to it, where the fuck you been man?!
It said, where the fuck you been?
I said, listen my mind, don’t mess with me
That’s all you do is mess with me.
My mind just sat there, it had stopped shivering. It said, I want to work with you but you must realize that it’s not me driving you f’in crazy, it’s your stupid thoughts. I’m fine, it’s your thoughts that are fucked.
I said, you’re right my mind, it is my thoughts that are fucked, but how do I stop?
My mind looked long and hard at me and started crying in a way that only a mind could cry and said, I can’t do diddly- squat to help you, and I’m not going to get into the whole mind/brain connection shit. But here’s some advice; just imagine you are an old man sitting on a porch swing holding a loaded double barrel shotgun and your thoughts are flying by you like nasty birds. You sit there and you just start picking those mother fuckers off one by one like bullies in a barrel. Just sit there everyday on your porch swing and extirpate them before they can even form and word will get out to all your other shitty thoughts not to fuck with the old man sitting on his porch swing holding a double barrel shotgun with nothing to lose but his bad thoughts.